Fuzzy Dice
by Foxieglove
Summary: I got a very interesting email in my inbox . . . and since I was insane and still am, I'm gonna share my reaction to it.


A/N: I got this email and it was so um, *interesting*, that I just had to make MST3K of it. My comments are in **bold**. And in case you are wondering, Steve's evil twin (you'll understand a little later on) is really the guy who hosts 'Planet's Funniest Animals'. He's a weirdo and he looks like the evil twin of Steve from Blues' Clues. Imho. Just thought I'd scare--um, share that. 

**::picture of a pretty rose goes here::**

This is a magical friendship rose.   
You must pass this rose to   
at least five friends within   
an hour of receiving it.   
After you do, make a wish   
and your fondest wish shall come true!   
**And if you don't, you'll get hepatitus C when you're 50 years old, break your arm, have nightmares, get run over by a Hostess Cupcake truck, and skewered in the left buttcheek by a rabid kiwi.**

A true friend will send this rose back to you...   
**A true enemy will keep the rose and just send you this email . . .**

  
It's Friday night and you are driving your car.   
**Unless of course you are not of legal driving age. Then you're just pedaling along in your fisher price car.**

(what kind of car are you driving?)   
**Why does it matter? Okay, fine. A Pinto. I have a feeling your going to wreck it, so it might as well be inexpensive.**

(YOU ARE THE DRIVER!!!)   
**DUH-HOY!**

You can only have FOUR other people in the car with you. ( who is in the car with you?)   
**Spongebob Squarepants, Barney, the evil twin of Steve from Blues Clues, and Jerry Falwell. I'm driving them to the nearest mental ward.**

As you drive, you and your friends start chillin to some music.   
( what song are you all listening to?)   
**Depends on when we stop fighting. Barney insists on his theme song, Jerry Falwell is telling him he will go to hell (because he is purple and thus related to Tinky Winky) while demanding Britney Spears, and Steve's evil twin is agreeing with him. SpongeBob has no comment. He's entranced with the fuzzy dice hanging off the rearview mirror.**

So, there you are chillin to some music with four other people   
**Oh for . . . *fine.* :puts on 'Barenaked Ladies': Happy?!**

all of a sudden this crazy driver hits you in the back!   
**Jerry Falwell: He's gay!!! Did you see that?! He rearended us! He's gay and he's going to hell!  
Me: :getting a migraine: Shut. Up. Idiot.**

You are flying down the road out of control.   
**Spongebob: Wheeeeeeee!  
Jerry Falwell: EEEEEEEEK!!!!  
Barney: DURRRRRRRR!!!!  
Steve's evil twin: ::canned laughter::**

  
You hit a speed bump and the car flips and lands upside-down in the grass beside the road.   
**. . . a speed bump did THAT to my car? Well on the other hand, it _is_ a Pinto . . .**

You lay there crying because you are in so much pain   
**Owwwwwiiiiiiieeeee! My fingernaaail!**

You hear nothing but silence.   
**Jerry Falwell: That guy not only sexually harassed us, but he attempted murder too! He's going to hell or my name isn't--  
Me: SILENCE!!! You're ruining the mood! ::points up::**

silence   
**Barney: How about we sing a song? I love you, you love me, we're trapped in the car, and I have to pee . . .  
Me: Would you SHADDAP?!**

silence   
**Steve's evil twin: This would be great footage for the show, but there's no animals in it . . .  
Me: :points to Spongebob: A sponge is an animal, you know . . . but in any case, I think we're supposed to be SILENT!**

  
silence.   
**Spongebob Squarepants: Are we there yet?  
Me: No, we're trapped in a Pinto that is highly sensitive to running over speedbumps and probably paperclips, and if I'm not mistaken we're supposed to be SILENT!  
Jerry Falwell: Where's the guy who hit us? He just drove away?! That's it! This guy is going to hell!  
Me: HELLOOOOO?! You're supposed to be SILENT! SIIIIIIIIIILEEEEEEENNNNNNT!!!! S-I-L-E-N-T!!!!   
Spongebob: Now are we there yet?  
Me: . . . you people just don't get it****.**

You try to yell out to your friends, but you are in so much pain and shock the words won't come out.   
**::is indeed suffering - from a migraine -- and is in too much pain to yell 'SILENT' one more time because her throat is raw::**

You lay there for about 2 minutes, but to you it seems like 60 minutes.   
**Barney and Spongebob: 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beeeeer . . .  
Me: ::weakly:: You're telling me .**** . .**

You finally hear something. You hear the ambulance and you have never felt more relieved.   
**Me: YES!!! It's the whitecoats! Take them away, for the love of God!**

You lay there, still in the car, thinking about your family, friends, school, past holidays, old friends,   
old lovers   
**Me: ::cackling:: It'll all be over soon . . . it'll all be over soon . . . eeeheeeeehheeehehehe . . . ::cuddles and pets fuzzy dice with an insane faraway look in her eyes::**

You start to pray for the other people in the car and for yourself.   
**Please God, take them away . . . Please God, take them away . . .**

The paramedics get you out of the car, put you on a stretcher, and then into the ambulance.   
**Me: Noooo!_ I'm_ not insane!!! THEY ARE!!! Take theeeeemmmm! ::shrieking and clutching fuzzy dice::  
Paramedic: Um. Sure. ::straps her down::**

you see nothing and hear nothing but a void....you are alone   
**A void? Did they give me sleeping gas? Oh, wait, it's just Jerry's mouth moving.**

You don't get a chance to see the other people that were in the car with you   
**I wish I hadn't.**

As they drive to the hospital, you pray and think to yourself "Am I going to die?"   
**Me: Waahhh, my fingernaaaaiiiil! I'm gonna diiiiiieeee wahhhhh!  
Paramedic: You'll be fine, ma'am.  
Me: Shaddap and gimme some Advil.**

Where are my friends?   
**On the side of the road, hitchhiking.**

Are they okay?   
**Sure, they'll be fine. But as for the person who gives 'em a ride to wherever they're going . . . I'm not sure.**

What's going to happen to me.......?   
**Depends on how fast the Advil works.**

Did you die or not?   
**Stupid questions get stupid answers.**

What happened to your friends that were in the car with you......?   
**Why do you never listen to me?! ::sob::**

They all died.   
**Uh, no . .**** .**

All of the other people in the car died.   
**WHAT other people? You said there were only four!**

They are all gone.   
**Waitaminute . . . ::looks out ambulance window:: You're right. They just got picked up by a Hostess Cupcake truck.**

You'll never get to see them again.   
**HALLELLUJIAH!!!**

As for you...   
**Waaaahhhhh! My naaaaiiiiilllll!!!**

you died too.   
**MAKE UP YOUR @$&!# MIND!!!!**

Wait you were just imagining....right ?   
**Oh. Right. ::sheepish grin::**

But what if it were real?   
**::SNERK::**

What if it really happened to you?   
**Trapped in a Pinto with_ those_ guys? Now I'm gonna have nightmares. Thank you soooo much.**

Think about it....   
**I have, thank you. Now I'd rather forget it and keep my sanity. ::strokes fuzzy dice and murmurs comforting words to it::**

That car was the LAST car you were EVER in with your friends.   
**In real life, I wouldn't even GET in a car with those people.**

Those four people were the LAST people you EVER saw.   
**See above. **

Did you pick the four people in the car with you wisely...   
**WHAAAAAAT?!**

or do you wish that someone else was in the car with you?   
**Yah, sure. If I have to die, I want my best friends to die with me. JEEZ! How selfish is that?!**

The song you were chillin to was the LAST song you EVER heard.   
**Thank goodness it wasn't Britney Spears . . .**

Don't you wish you could have had the chance to tell everyone you loved them?   
**;_; ::runs after Hostess Cupcake truck:: Waaaaiiiit! I love you guys! I want a huggie!**

Don't you wish you could have told your crush how much you loved them?   
**Waaaahhhhh! I love you! ::glomps Jukes, Nosedive, Nightcrawler, Jinnai, Snape, Draco Malfoy, and fuzzy dice::**

Don't you wish you could hug your friends one last time?   
**::Hostess Cupcake truck stops:: YAAAAY! ::huggies everyone inside except Jerry Falwell::**

Don't you wish you had the chance to do all of those things?   
**^-^; Do you ever pay attention?**

You still do.   
**I hugged 'em once, I ain't huggin' them again . . .**

This really didn't happen to you.   
**But . . . ::everything and everyone disappears and she is sitting back in her computer chair typing this:: . . . Waaaahhhh, my fuzzy dice! ;_;**

But, pray for all of the people that it DID happen to   
**O.o;?! If there are any, I sure will . . .**

AND remember this quote:   
"Live every day to its fullest...... and when someone says that they love you, know the meaning of it and mean it when you say it too." 

**Awww, that's sweet. While we're trading quotes, remember this : "Death ends a life, not a relationship."  
-- Jack Lemmon **

::shuts eyes tightly and clicks post button::

  



End file.
